So, I've been a mommy for ten months now. Kudos to me because I was sure I would mess this up somehow. But, to my surprise she is healthier than I've ever been and has a mouth full of teeth and thigh rolls to show for it.
To this day I get mommy like magazines of which I don't remember signing up for in the first place, and still pretend I'm reading them when really I'm just milking the sweet time I get to myself. Don't judge me. I cut out the coupons and USE them. Recently I ran across a nameless mag and in it was a article stating facts such as "breast feeding makes your child smarter" and used catch phrases like "the breast is best" or "be sweet give up the teet". Ok the last one I made up but, in my defense, it conveyed a similar message. While I actually entertained myself in this grossly snob like article I flipped the page to see a full paged ad devoted to a very successful and widely used baby formula that we will just call Similarmilk. I mean talk about sending mixed signals.
Please, understand that I nursed my child because it is the most natural way and the bond that it created between she and I was almost supernatural. Yes, I nursed and our moment of bonding and paying our dues to nature lasted a whole 3 months. It was a struggle from the start but I kept at it because my child deserved the best that being my breast milk. I'm not sure if it was the lack of sleep, stress, and overwhelming feeling of wanting to shoot the dog with my imaginary gun every five seconds, but I stopped producing milk. I mean, at first I was shooting it out like a Big Gulp, but as time past it (production) slowed and then inevitably came to a stop.
On a serious note, it was devastating and embarrassing. As I was becoming increasingly depressed I blessedly ( I don't believe in luck) realized why. It hit me, like a Lohan law suit, that it was because of articles similar to the one mentioned above. Those teet Nazis were making my life a living nightmare. So what if you nursed your son up until the night before he went engagement ring shopping! Who cares that your 6 year old can spell immunoelectrophoretically and is in the gifted program. My kid will learn how to spell and correctly enunciate words that she will more commonly need and use like "besides" "inasmuch" and "excuse" without a hint of a teet-lisp. Yes, your child may be in the gifted program but my child will thrive in the commonsense program.
Please don't mistake my rant for a form of animosity towards any mother who chooses to nurse. Instead look at it as self check in which you can asses whether you are a pushy-meddler of all things teet or if you simply want to be acknowledged for doing the absolute best you can for your baby and really couldn't give a flying flip what the mommy next door is doing with her boobies.
I've been asked waaay too many times to note whether or not I nurse. At first I would answer this question honestly only to be shamed into lying and then altogether avoiding a direct answer by saying something along the lines of "would she have those thighs if I wasn't?" If there is anything I would want my daughter to take with her on her quest into mother hood is this a) her thighs are perfect the way they are, not too big nor too small/it's genetic she's 3/4 latina suck it up, and b) DON'T BE A TEET NAZI.
I believe the worst thing she could ever grow up to be is a self centered bully. I would want her to be social but know her boundaries. I would want her to create boundaries as well. I'd like it if she were to appreciate people who think differently than her and then make mental notes to politely avoid these weirdos in the future. But, most importantly I would want her to find ease and comfort in approaching me with any situation that leaves her confused and even heartbroken. Especially when she is a new mother. Cause motherhood creates a sensation of delayed gratitude for your mother. Especially when you realize she wiped your poop off your mid to upper back just like you're doing with your bundle of joy right this second.
To this day I get mommy like magazines of which I don't remember signing up for in the first place, and still pretend I'm reading them when really I'm just milking the sweet time I get to myself. Don't judge me. I cut out the coupons and USE them. Recently I ran across a nameless mag and in it was a article stating facts such as "breast feeding makes your child smarter" and used catch phrases like "the breast is best" or "be sweet give up the teet". Ok the last one I made up but, in my defense, it conveyed a similar message. While I actually entertained myself in this grossly snob like article I flipped the page to see a full paged ad devoted to a very successful and widely used baby formula that we will just call Similarmilk. I mean talk about sending mixed signals.
Please, understand that I nursed my child because it is the most natural way and the bond that it created between she and I was almost supernatural. Yes, I nursed and our moment of bonding and paying our dues to nature lasted a whole 3 months. It was a struggle from the start but I kept at it because my child deserved the best that being my breast milk. I'm not sure if it was the lack of sleep, stress, and overwhelming feeling of wanting to shoot the dog with my imaginary gun every five seconds, but I stopped producing milk. I mean, at first I was shooting it out like a Big Gulp, but as time past it (production) slowed and then inevitably came to a stop.
On a serious note, it was devastating and embarrassing. As I was becoming increasingly depressed I blessedly ( I don't believe in luck) realized why. It hit me, like a Lohan law suit, that it was because of articles similar to the one mentioned above. Those teet Nazis were making my life a living nightmare. So what if you nursed your son up until the night before he went engagement ring shopping! Who cares that your 6 year old can spell immunoelectrophoretically and is in the gifted program. My kid will learn how to spell and correctly enunciate words that she will more commonly need and use like "besides" "inasmuch" and "excuse" without a hint of a teet-lisp. Yes, your child may be in the gifted program but my child will thrive in the commonsense program.
Please don't mistake my rant for a form of animosity towards any mother who chooses to nurse. Instead look at it as self check in which you can asses whether you are a pushy-meddler of all things teet or if you simply want to be acknowledged for doing the absolute best you can for your baby and really couldn't give a flying flip what the mommy next door is doing with her boobies.
I've been asked waaay too many times to note whether or not I nurse. At first I would answer this question honestly only to be shamed into lying and then altogether avoiding a direct answer by saying something along the lines of "would she have those thighs if I wasn't?" If there is anything I would want my daughter to take with her on her quest into mother hood is this a) her thighs are perfect the way they are, not too big nor too small/it's genetic she's 3/4 latina suck it up, and b) DON'T BE A TEET NAZI.
I believe the worst thing she could ever grow up to be is a self centered bully. I would want her to be social but know her boundaries. I would want her to create boundaries as well. I'd like it if she were to appreciate people who think differently than her and then make mental notes to politely avoid these weirdos in the future. But, most importantly I would want her to find ease and comfort in approaching me with any situation that leaves her confused and even heartbroken. Especially when she is a new mother. Cause motherhood creates a sensation of delayed gratitude for your mother. Especially when you realize she wiped your poop off your mid to upper back just like you're doing with your bundle of joy right this second.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
There's nothing wrong with the gifted program!! :) Love you and baby girl!
ReplyDeleteGreat rant! Loved it all! Happy Mothers day to you!
ReplyDelete