Ready or not...

My water broke while I napped. I awoke in a daze as I lifted my miu-miu trying to verbalize two simple words- "No joke! No joke!" My husband, CLUELESS to the trickle I felt gliding down my inner thighs, just sat there starring at me with lifted eyebrows producing an all too familiar look in his eyes- confusion and fear.

I pointed to the now puddle on the floor and screamed "NO JOKE!" We then switched rolls. I froze as he ran around our apartment frantically trying to remember everything we learned at our 6 week long birthing classes. For some reason I felt the urge to shower. I think most women do. I guess it's the whole change -your-underwear- everyday- you never-know-if-you'll-be-in-an-accident situation our mothers warned us about. Either way, I lathered and repeated. Understandably, my husband thought I was crazy for being so vain, he didn't give me a chance to moisturize.

We headed downstairs (three flights up, three flights down. No elevator.) My husband with our under-packed bag and me with a soaked towel between my legs. It then hit me. I was going to ruin my cars upholstery! Tears blurred my vision as my husband made a dash back up the stairs to grab towels. ALL of them.

With every speed bump and pot whole more amniotic fluid escaped my inner extremities, and that enraged me even more. Him:"Don't worry about the car I will get it professionally cleaned later."
Me: "it's not about the car, okay? It's about the fact that I am not ready to have this baby and worrying about the car is easier to deal with right now! And what is your rush? The hospital is not going anywhere."

Needless to say I was no mentally prepared for our baby to arrive. She was a week early. I hadn't finished packing our hospital bag, her name plaque was not hung up in her nursery nor was her valence. In my mind these things were essential for her arrival. Never mind that we had preregistered at the hospital, gotten her car seat set up and had 99.999% of our "things we need for baby" list completed.

We arrived at the hospital closer to 8 in the evening, we headed to the second floor, checked in and got dressed for the marathon called labor. As I got into my robe I remember smiling as I felt my soon to be newborn kick. "I'll see you soon, baby girl. I can't wait to meet you."

My mom and sister showed up with tears in their eyes. Then my in-laws. The hours flew by and about 13 hours into it I took an epidural. The nurses came in and prepared the room for labor. I flipped out again. I just wasn't ready for mother hood. They laughed and told me "honey, why do you think you're here? Ready or not..."

She was born at 11:19 am, June 24th. She didn't cry, I did. She was placed on my chest and time froze. I gazed into her face becoming familiar with the stranger that had just changed my life forever. She wiggled trying to get a better look at her mommy. I touched her and she seemed to melt. She was beautiful. Perfect. She was all mine.