a-ME-rica and Amy Chua

Amy Chua has gotten a lot of heat for her memoir "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" and for her article Why Chinese mothers are superior. Personally, I think if she would have entitled the article "Why Chinese students are superior" she would have had a more eager and non offended audience. Either way, I just had to read her book and figure out exactly what she meant and what the big deal was.

As an immigrant myself I shared a lot of Amy's views and had a similar upbringing when it came to having respect for parents (and authority figures), not seing the point of sleep overs, kids playing sports or even play dates and lastly, the importance of an education.

I  mentioned on Twitter that I find it hard to see Amy as awful. Here's what another Twitter user accused me of: "Why? Do you deny your kids water and food to get that homework done like Amy Chua does?". Interesting, I thought.

When it came to raising her girls (Sophia and Lulu) she was driven, strict, and unselfish.  I can't say that much for too many mothers now-a-days. It's clear that it is easier to just let the whiney kid do what he wants when he wants than actually take the time and effort to instill morals, values and an upstanding work ethic. Isn't that being selfish?

Throughout the book I kept an open mind and was able to capture the essence of everything Amy was doing for her girls. She is an extremist, a "fanatic" as Lulu puts it and yes, even sometimes a freak. I can't agree with her forcing her girls to practice their instruments even half way across the world during family vacations. Or when she rejected the hand made birthday cards her girls made her on a whim, but it was clear, to me at least, that she believed in her girls so much that she wouldn't let them settle for anything less than their best.

In an interview, Amy says that her memoir is a coming of age book, where she learns from her mistakes and is now somewhat more permissive. Towards the end you can truly see that her way of thinking shifted and that she softened to the needs and desires of her girls.

Her eldest, a concert pianist who payed in Carnegie Hall and her youngest auditioned at Juilliard and studied with a coveted and respected violin professor before the age of 16. I'm sure they got straight A's in all their subjects, obviously excelled on their instruments, finished their chores, completed their school projects, they were (per the story) well liked and respected among their peers, and for this I can't hate Amy. Like I said, I don't agree with several things she did but the outcome demonstrates that it was a better way than the norm.

I'll be honest,  I knew the "asian kids" in my class would always get the best grade and I often felt inferior to them. I will even admit to envying them. I don't, however, envy Sophia or Lulu's  study and practice regimens. They hardly had time for anything more than school,  homework and music. But, what are we comparing it to? Spending mindless hours infront of the TV, Facebook, participating in beauty pageants, bullying, going to the mall, video games; How is that a conducive upbringing? How does any of the all to common American pass times add to the quality or success of our children's futures? Why is it that hard work and discipline are frowned upon, isn't that what it means to be American, after all?

I guess, I still don't understand why so many people are bashing Amy Chua. She is a successful academic, author and Harvard Law graduate. I find it interesting if people are offended by her book and article because they don't believe American children need to improve, at least academically. I really hope that is not the case. She is one person, who wrote a book about her experience, she has an opinion a theory and way of doing things. Let's not throw ourselves into a heap over one fragment of the big picture: our children. I look at it as a challenge. I hope to help my child become a better person and student than I've ever been and I know that doing so will take a lot of work on my part. With the way things are going now, I'm going to need the strength of a Tiger.

Oh! You'd be happy to know my girl is healthy and not emaciated and she's too young for homework.