My Resolutions as a Christian Mother

I never make resolutions. Not because I don't like setting goals, but because it seems to me that the end of a year shouldn't dictate ones need to change. I believe there should be a continual urgency in bettering ones self wether it be a physical, spiritual, financial, etc., improvement, it should be a deep rooted conscious decision that is made daily. In saying that, I understand that taking the time to look into the preverbal mirror is important, and what better time than the beginning of a new year?

I have made an effort  through out this past year to allow myself the following. These weren't resolutions, but observations.

• The right to pat myself on the back. Something I would typically find to be unnecessary or unimportant.
• The right to choose with whom I am associated with by surrounding myself with true friends and people who edify me and have the capability to give not just receive.
• The right to say nothing. This one took a painful dose of DISCIPLINE. 

I'm not sure when it began or when I mastered the above, but I observed that I could benefit from tweaking these areas of my life a bit. I can truly say that I have, for the most part, improved.

Besides setting the typical goals for myself. You know the ones. Losing x amount of weight, getting better organized, being a better everything to everyone, I have encountered a deeper desire to change in my walk with God.

As a Christian, I long to please God and to live according to His word and will. As a human, I know that I have lived just beneath His expectations of me, getting by on a mediocre C+ (if living for God had a grading system). As a mother I long to change for the better. I often pray or simply think on how I would't want my daughter to have to face the challenges I've had to face. I know I can't keep her from trying times in her life, but I never what to tell her " do as I say, not as I do". Hypocrisy is not an option, neither is thinking I am the exception. I always tell my loved ones this "Anything can happen to you. Good or bad. You are not the exception." I believe this with all my heart, and so I have made the decision to dig up the worst of me, face it and take it to the altar.

2011 RESOLUTIONS

STOP worrying about what other's are thinking. I must stop hindering whatever great things God has in store(age) for me by imagining things that are simply that- imaginary.Worrying about what others think has been a continuos struggle for me for a few years now and I'm sick of it!

ALLOW myself to make mistakes and not appear, or even try to appear, like I have it all together. Humility is in order. I wouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve, but I will allow myself to cry out when the season comes.

BELIEVE in my dreams again. I want to believe in the dreams God has given me and not only that, but believe enough to act on them. Acts are the truest of ways to show faith in something. 

FREEDOM from fear. Being that I believe in God I strongly feel that He truly is my deliverer. I can't free myself but I can ask God to free me. If you notice, everything I've noted above can be rooted to one word- Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.

I often pray that I can conquer this terrible giant. I understand that it will be a rocky, uphill road. But I am sick of looking up and merely witnessing the heights I SHOULD be dwelling in. I have a little one to consider every step of the way, and every step of the way I will consider how I'm taking her along wherever I go. I refuse to let her be raised by a mother that is afraid and paralyzed by the thought of failure who then hides in the shallow water never to taste the sweet discovery of spiritual success. This new year, it will be all I can do to please God through my faith in Him and in all He has placed within me FOR His glory.

I've made this public so that maybe you could say a prayer for this clueless mommy and desperate Christian. Also, because you could keep me honest if you see me slipping. Look! I'm already working on my second resolution. I guess the one way trip to change has begun.

Happy New Year!!!