Let it go to hold on...

For me "letting it go" means ignoring the dust bunnies that mock me, or turning a blind eye to the dust collecting on the furniture; it even means living in my pajamas until my husband gets home.

 I come from a hard working family who NEVER goes on vacations, never calls in sick and never lets any dish sit in the sink overnight- never. So, the mere thought of walking by the mop and duster for over a day literally makes my skin itch. Call it OCD or call it my own way of feeling purposeful, either way, this strange love with cleanliness has distracted me from my top priority- motherhood.

It's been four months since my new position as a mommy began and I want to do it all- cook, clean, lose the baby bulge and be a great mommy, wife and dog owner. Sleepless nights and long days that roll together have taught me that I have a limit. I can't always complete a task, I can't always shower, I can't keep house, I can't look good every day and most importantly- I can't be the old me. I have come to grips with the fact that the old me is... well gone. This is a new me a better, stronger version of the old me. It's a new chapter in our lives and I desperately needed that wake up call.

A good friend of ours, whom I call "my Oprah", sent me a book- The new Mom's Guide To Living on Baby Time, by Susan Besze Wallace. The very first chapter made me laugh and cry out loud. I remember bowing my knees at the edge of my bed several nights, knowing it would be yet another sleepless one, just praying that God give me the strength to do what I needed to do. Reading this book has amplified the need to do's from the want to or I'm use to doing... The epiphany came when I was scrubbing the floors as my poor tired and teething baby wailed for me. I did not need to go over the floors with the swifter one more time, I didn't have to make sure anything was spotless, It isn't a priority whatsoever now or a year ago. I realized I did need to let go and re prioritize my time. She's only this age once and I need to cease these precious moments as much as possible.

So, I sit here, it's nearly noon, I still have bed head I'm in my pj's that have drool and spit up on them, my bed isn't made the dust bunnies have multiplied (as bunnies tend to do) but, she's happy, rested, fed, changed, clean and did I mention happy? Therefore, this neat freak feels very accomplished and is holding on to these moments with an even tighter grip. It hasn't been easy, but letting go lets me hold on to what's really important.